going back to school.... ah / by IKB

That transient thing that possesses the qualities of motion or is a type of motion, is wending along. I cannot stop it, nor do I desire to do so. Oh how Time passes, n’est pas? Indeed. I recall that the 2005 had hardly started and I was bereft of reason. I was drowning in a pool of desesperation and lugubrious melancholy. My singular comfort was an idea – one that has brought me closer to freedom. But freedom comes at a price, and I dare say that I am paying it.

In three months (more or less), the year will expire and from its ashes shall spring forth a new year. From destruction comes creation. The anxiety I felt not too long ago, a sad wailing escaping from the dark recesses of my intellect, has been soothed by the comfort of submitting. Yet, on occasion I will cringe at the crude reality.

O how time flies! Soon I shall be bereft of the freedom to read the works that I love with continued progression. The pace will lessen and my mind will be afflicted with new polemics. And I will unsheathe my sword in the defence of the right cause. I know I will invest my energies in the redemption of ancient conquests, but this time I will let an unfettered intellect have ascendancy over my passions. I will let my sardonic attacks donning the garb of deference and humility voice the imperious vacillations of my heart. This time I shan’t be so whimsical nor impervious to viciously fighting for my causes. Perhaps I will burn out but it is preferable to have essence than to be a shallow vessel of nothingness that succumbs to the fickleness of thundering winds, that stands for everything and nothing. If I must burn bridges I will, if I must gain hatred, I will. But not once shall I retreat. And this time, I will not sit there quietly, with Christian meekness and allow others to steal my ideas only to voice them defiled and raped.

So in case it is not clear … I am returning to school as soon as the duration of these three remaining months elapses. I am not excited but I have submitted to this reality.

In this past year, and I do not feel daring or wreckless in already summing up the year, I have learnt so much. I have imbibed more of those ideas that are the bricks and mortar of that simple and wonderful edifice that is …. It brings such happiness to my soul, this thing that is described as the the teleological culmination of man. This thing, which man strives for, in itself is a panegyric to Dionysus, lord of happiness.

I know that I shall not learn as many things once I return to university, but man must swallow his pride and submit to certain tyrannies upon the intellect, in order to accomplish his goals. Or he can renounce and abnegate the company of men; but man without the society of men is not a man anymore, he is something altogether different. In effect, one must play the game. But the superficial polish of formulaic education, or the inculcating of those values that will make, supposedly, free, can easily be thrown aside. And from the asphyxiating ashes of that system, that overwhelming edifice that acts as an opiate, stupefying the genius of man, shall arise a human being that is not merely an empty vessel that is always on the move, never thinking, never slowing down to contemplate. No, this human being is not a hollow receptacle, but a human being of both essence and substance. Ah! Freedom, I can taste it. This is not nihilism I speak of, it is redemption of man!

But finally, I will in time reveal the details of what school I have chosen and all that trite but essential stuff that accompanies everything in life. Onward positive spirits.