My roommate, Valeria I wish to call her at this point in time, for I have this desire to call everyone by every other name but his own. Not even I am exempt from this absurdity; for the past month I have been referring to myself as Xavi. Allons-y, to the crux of the matter.
As so happens, Valeria introduced me to this chap, a teutonic-like fellow with the accoutrements of a Californian. Surfs up dude! Right. He seemed delightful … at least, he appeared to be interested in my fastidious and archaic stories, which were always tempered by my skepticism. And so he claimed that I was both funny and cute. Naturally, I suspected foul play; how much was Valeria paying him?
He was amused by my atheism, which I proceeded to allow to flourish in his presence only after having asked him if he was religious. My vegetarianism increased his admiration. And my bed won applause, but this is jumping ahead of my story.
We chatted for an hour or so, then instantly as if by divine inspiration, he stood up and was steadfast, a pilar standing in front of me. He looked at me smiling. I smiled in return, though I was confused. Is this part of the script? I thought. And then we are making out. Incredible. How many months? Oh dear God!
So we make out for quite some time in the living, before we fall off the couch. He asks if we can go into my room, the bed will be much more comfortable, he says. Oh Valeria you wicked fiend! And we proceed into the chamber, where he falls in love with my bed. Hah! Thank you and then we’re making out again.
But he has other things on his mind, and I am too corrupted by the Platonic, by the peripatetic. I cringe at his suggestion. Can’t we just make out? Can’t you be my Dionysus incarnate?
Unfortunately time passes and he has to go home, since he has to work the following day. Oh please stay! Alack, me! Ay me! Hah. So we agree to call each other the next day. I do, but he does not return my call. C’est chocolat!
And several days later as I find myself in my room, sitting on the floor drinking a bottle of Perrier, Valeria confronts me. What did you do to my friend, she asks. I shrug, I really don’t know … I don’t know! What’s wrong with me? So it’s back to my studies. Drink up!
[ Exunt Xavi ]